Yesterday I went to see my son. From the moment I saw his face, I could tell he was distressed. The frown was deep on his forehead and his eyes were clouded. He took charge of the meal I brought him and would not allow me to help set up things so I stood back and watched him set the table and lay out the food. There were very little words between us and I could feel the tension radiating from him.
When we finished eating I gently placed my hand on his shoulder and asked if he was ok. He turned to me with pain in his eyes and asked if I could take his dog for him. His girlfriend can’t take care of the dog anymore. It breaks my heart to say no to him, although I know that I can’t fix his life for him. He’s 29 now and a man…
I remember when he was a baby and had such a sweet Gerber baby face. People would always comment on what a beautiful boy he was and he had such a wonderful disposition!! I know I damaged him greatly growing up and I have worked hard at making that right. It has taken me many years although a few weeks back I knew I had finally leveled the field…
On that particular visit, my son’s eyes sparkled like violet diamonds and he was so happy and it showed!! He was excited to see me and he had some gifts he made!! The best gift of all though, was not a gift he made… It was a gift from his heart!! He reached into his pocket and pulled out $10.00. He looked at me with tears in his eyes and he said, “Mom, I believe in what you are doing with the Journey and I’m very proud of you!! I want you to give this money to your charity from me!!” The tears started to flow down his face as they flowed down mine… I couldn’t believe what he was doing!! This boy, who was locked up and unable to get out. He was giving up his hard earned cash because he believed in the Journey!! I was overwhelmed with the power of that gift!! You can bet I made that contribution right away!!
I am grateful that I can remember the sweet moments to help carry me through the difficult ones. I need to remember that my son has a path and I can’t steal his opportunity to grow and change by taking charge and doing it my way. I have to place him in God’s palm and continue to remember that I am not in control!!
It is days like yesterday, that bring tears to my eyes and a heaviness to my heart. I have to work extra hard today to be present and reach out to others so I don’t get lost in my own pain. It is in helping others that I find relief from my sorrow…
I will add your son to my prayer list …God wants to reach your son and I believe He will. I want to help carry the burden of your son…you can’t do it on your own. I will pray for him daily!